Down, and not the dooby down type.

I feel down. Elizabeth is 6 months and 6 days old, and we have not conquered the breastfeeding thing. Never in my life have I experienced such pain. I thought the breast infection I had when I was 18 was bad, I thought the galbladder attacks were bad, I thought the labor might get bad, I knew that breastfeeding would not be easy, but in the words of Coldplay "no body said it'd be easy, but no one ever said it would be this hard." I don't know what to do. I don't know if it is me or her, or a combination. I don't know if it is the latch, or some medical problem-thrush maybe, I don't know. People may wonder why did you go this long. Well, I just kept thinking it would get better. It hasn't. I have a call into the lactation people. I cried last night as I fed her, and I want to cry right now just thinking about the whole thing. I don't want to give up. I want it to work, I want it to be that joyous thing that it is supposed to be, but right now it is not, and it really hasn't ever been. I feel down. Jacob says I can call it quits if I want to. I don't want to. And I do want to, but I don't want to even more. I want to give her all the benefits that I am supposed to. They say the average woman stops after 6 months. I don't want to be the average woman. I want to be the one they look at funny and wonder to themselves if my daughter wasn't a bit too old to be breastfeeding. I guess I will wait and see what the lactation people say. I feel down.